man i feel kinda bad for getting people i know into the Gentleman Bastards books, because you pitch it to them with “it’s like filthy alt-fantasy Ocean’s Eleven with con artists and shenanigans and panache, you’ll love it, honest,” and next thing you know they’re sobbing in caves and eating sackcloth and ashes with milk poured over it and moaning “this was supposed to be a lighthearted romp, you bag of shit”
and i’m over in the corner like
1. If he doesn’t answer, don’t keep sending texts. If he wanted to talk to you, he would’ve responded.
2. People will make time for you when they care about you. If he says he’s too busy or constantly cancels his plans, he doesn’t care. People fight for you when they care.
3. Don’t let him touch you on the first date. If he tries, he’s not there for the same reasons you are.
4. You can tell a lot about a person by their favorite book.
5. If he can stomach more than ten straight shots without feeling a thing, he drinks too much.
6. Ask the uncomfortable things. When was the last time he was so high he couldn’t speak? What does he regret the most? Does he drink to remember or to forget?
7. Don’t send pictures unless you want to. If he has to talk you into it, don’t do it. If you hesitate, don’t do it. If you do take a picture, don’t include your face. Keep yourself safe.
8. If you can’t laugh when you’re having sex with him, maybe you aren’t sleeping with the right person. Sex isn’t about tricks and tips and routines.
9. If he hurts you, cut him out. He’s gone, he isn’t coming back, and you don’t need to prolong the pain.
10. Don’t be afraid to open up again. I promise not everyone will love you with a knife behind their back.”